No YouTube, I'm Screwed!

I think I might finally be outed as the teacher who does lesson plans on the way to class and puts everything off until the last minute. So far I've managed to fool people up until this point, but I think I may be in trouble this semester.

I just got an email that informed me that one of my students this fall is hard of hearing. It was a very nice email explaining that they are notifying me ahead of time because some of the modifications may impact my class planning.

Most of them I'm good with...

• wearing a voice amplification system
• not standing in front of the interpreter (if they send one)
• not giving oral exams (as long as she doesn't mind reading quizzes on post-its, I'm good)

Some I'm a little leery of...

• audio recording to be transcribed later for student. It's not that I don't want people to know what is said, but I'd rather not have a permanent record of the times I sound like a total idiot. On the upside, this should make writing the list of terms for the exam much easier.
• repeating/summarizing comments and questions by people not wearing the mic. I know I'm going to forget to do this.
  

And then I read this...

Closed-captioning is required for all videos, internet videos and self made videos when being shown in class.

Um, last time I checked YouTube isn't usually captioned. I can't teach without YouTube. I'm all about disability accommodations, but no YouTube, this is going to be a serious problem.

So I email the Disability Concerns person and explain my issue and include lots of really good reasons why I need YouTube to teach.* She agrees that it is a integral part of my curriculum and notes that occasionally professors include videos that aren't and that Disability Concerns will be happy to caption any YouTube video that is part of my curriculum.

Problem solved! Not so fast; there's a catch. I must submit all videos I want captioned at least ONE WEEK before I plan on showing them. One week; is that a joke?

So this week's task, scour the internet for any YouTube video I might show this semester and start submitting. I wonder if I can get the university to pay for my Netflix for the semester in order for me to have real clips with real captioning?

*None of which were "what am I supposed to do when I don't have lesson plans?"

Things I Can't Say

So in the interest of keeping the peace, I have to keep my mouth shut this weekend. I've realized this is slightly easier with a baby because I can hide in a back room while pretending to nurse, rock, or just "check on" said baby. Here are some of the things I've thought but couldn't say in the last 24 hours.

• Clearly being retired is so much more work than being a grad student with a baby. What was I thinking?
  
• Pee on her!
  
• Am I supposed to apologize for buying food in a grocery store?
• You're not supposed to do Tummy Time after a baby eats, but what the hell, it's not my carpet.
• I really have to go to the bathroom (while pretending to be nursing a baby in the back room)
• Why didn't I bring snacks and a drink in here? (while pretending to be putting a baby to sleep in the back room)
• Holy Shit! Did you just say "there's some really good wine out there?"
  
• I should have packed a bottle of wine.

So far, I think I've stayed out of trouble. And since the ancient CD player is broken, we have to play B's lullaby off of their laptop. Yay for internet access in the baby's room. Someone remind me to stash our laptop in B's room the next time we have visitors.

Twilight Irony

When I went to buy the second book in the Twilight series for my book group, this is what I found on the display. Leave it to a "lost" book to explain the meaning of vampire metaphors.

Patron Saint Cake

I may have to name all of my children after saints who also have their own brand of liquor. Al Capone* is being Christened this weekend and we are having a party. Every good party needs desert. Enter St. Brendan's Irish Creme Cake. We discussed using the bottle as a baloon weight, but decided that might be a little much.

Our first child will grow up with a Patron Saint Cake.

1 (18.255 ounce) box butter cake mix

1 (3.4 ounce) box instant vanilla pudding mix.

4 eggs

½ c. vegetable oil

¾ c. Saint Brendan's® Irish Cream Liqueur

1 (18.255 ounce) box chocolate cake mix

1 (3.4 ounce) box instant chocolate pudding mix.

4 eggs

½ c. vegetable oil

¾ c. Saint Brendan's® Irish Cream Liqueur

Frosting:

2 cans cream cheese frosting.

4 Tbs. St. Brendan's Irish Cream

Combine with electric mixer

Preheat oven to 350˚.

NOTE: Prepare each cake mix recipe sepatately

In a large bowl, combine cake mix, pudding mix, eggs and oil. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed. Add Saint Brendan’s®. Spoon into 9 inch round cake pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until top is golden and sides pull away. Cool on wire rack.

Alternate layers of chocolate and butter cake mixes and frost with cream cheese frosting.

*To learn more about Al Capone click here. I promise I didn't really name my child Al Capone.