I'm toying with the idea of taking my blogs down for a while. Theoretically, I could just not publish anything, but I'm actually thinking that I might just move them all to password protection and not give anyone the password.
I started blogging with the idea that among other things it would also give me a place to express my feelings. This was more true with the baby blog than this blog, but over the last several months, I've felt less and less free to honestly express my feelings and more and more like I'm carefully constructing posts with the feelings/reactions/judgements of a handful of readers in mind.
Part of me realizes that my impulse here is entirely emotional. I've been in non-progressive labor since Wednesday and possibly may stay in non-progressive labor for another 10 days (long story). Part of me really wants to write about these experiences, but the realistic part of me knows that I really can't handle even the slightest judgemental or gossipy reaction to those posts.
I'm not sure what to do about that. I could move the blog to private and only allow a handful of people. If I go this route, I run the risk of seriously offending some family members, not to mention that I would have to hide the posts once I opened the blog back up after the baby was born. I could just not blog and write elsewhere. Although one of the things I like about blogging is having a supportive audience. Journals don't come with supportive audiences.
The best solution (for me) might actually be to write a blog post about what I really need at this point. For example, I don't need you to call me early in the morning to see if I'm in labor. I don't need to you tell me that my doctor just wants to make money. I don't need you to tell me when it would it would fit best with your schedule for me to have the baby. I don't need you to tell me what you think of my choices to breastfeed, use cloth diapers, get an epidural, etc. I don't need you to compare the exhaustion of me having contractions for the last 3 days to you not getting a status update for several hours. I don't need you to tell me that your really quick labor/painless/easy labor was because you prayed. All of things, however, are directed at a handful of people who will either get really upset by a post like that or will assume that I'm talking about everyone but them.
So, in the meantime, I draft a post for that blog that I likely won't ever post and I vent on this blog because I feel slightly more free to say what I want.
